Lots o' Learning

Z&C are big time into numbers and letters. I would take credit for this, but they seem to say most of them in a suspicious Cookie Monster-like voice....

They are both able to point out M, G, T, P, O, A, S and D. Number wise they can spot 1 and 2 reliably, but call out other numbers while we count.

Wednesday night, H asked them how many cookies they wanted after dinner. C said "two" as this is the only number she really knows (2 babies, 2 cookies, 2 cups.... gee I wonder why that is?) Z looked at him very seriously and said "ten". Then she cracked up laughing.

C says "Doe Doe Funny" at least 30 times a day

My mother bought them a nursery rhyme book with pictures over some of the words. C is OBSESSED with Humpty Dumpty. We read it 45 times in a row last night and again this morning. It goes something like this:

J: Humpty... (pointing to picture of egg wearing pants)
C&Z: DUMPY!!!!
J: Sat on a wall (pointing to picture of wall)
C&Z: suck thumbs furiously
J: Humpty... (pointing to picture of stupid egg wearing pants)
C&Z: DUMPY!!!!
J: Had a great fall
C&Z: giggle maniacally
J: All the Kings... (points to picture of disembodied horse heads)
C&Z: PONIES!!!!
J: And all the Kings... (points to picture of tiny tin soldiers)
C&Z: BABIES!!!!
J: Couldn't put...(pointing to picture of damn egg wearing pants)
C&Z: DUMPY!!!!
J: back together again!
C: Dumpy funny mommy. Again. Pease. Again.

Funny things

C now says "Okay Okay OKAY" when she is aggravated about something.

Z is obsessed with all things muppet. when she gets up in the morning, she runs to the box of little people to rescue kermit and piggy/beaker/animal. Always kermit, but his buddy for the day is flexible.

according to C, everyone is funny. but not mommy.

Z is no longer "baby". now she is "Doe-doe"

Last night I had a dream that involved Kermit the Frog, an incredibly stodgy vampire who wore a lot of cologne and an disney-esque amusement park. I think I need to get out more.

Also, could someone please come to my house and explain to my children that they are, in fact, two distinct people and therefore cannot continue to be a vegetarian and a carnivore. Vitamins and protein will not miraculously flow through osmosis when you slap your sister or fall off the couch on top of her.

and finally, I had the distinct pleasure of taking in a poop sample to the vet for Sam the Man. I believe he may be knitting a sweater with his butt. I have a few guesses as to where he may have ingested bright orange yarn... the only question is was he in the crib at the time or was he being fed blankie from one of the inmates?

So much fun...

They can hardly contain their joy.

Terrible One-and-a-halfs?

Is it possible that my precocious little angels have decided to up the ante and enter the "terrible twos" a few months early? This morning as I was trying to leave for work, Z decided that she should wear the string of beads I had on. Woe to you who says NO to Z. She basically yelled "BEADS" for the next 20 or so minutes. So much that C had to get into the act. She didn't even know what she was pissed off about, but it was getting Z attention, so why not.

This continued through the better part of the morning and only paused while Z stuffed eggs in her face and re-started with a vengeance when I dared not share my cereal with her. Never mind that she had already eaten the following:

1 egg w/ spinach
~20 grapes
1/2 banana
1/2 slice of toast w/ cream cheese

Clearly she was starving and needed to eat Kashi G0Lean. For her diet.

And speaking of diets, mine is going crap-tacular. I need to care more about the size of my ass. The other night I was fishing under the radiator for a missing trove of little people when my butt set off the little people farm. More specifically the pig pen. So that it appeared I was oinking. I thought mom and H would fall off the couch laughing.

Send pie. dietetic pie.

Yuletide Yakking

I think everyone is just about done with the Christmas Puke-a-thon. It began early Friday morning (the 19th for those of you playing the home edition) with C destroying her crib and friends and ended (we think) Friday evening (the 26th) with Z tossing her cookies into Grandma's overnight bag. Why did G-ma have an overnight bag? It seems no one was spared the virus, including poor uncle Fi. My mother had to come over and help us as H and I could barely stand up.

Yes, she who never throws up, not from pregnancy, sea-sickness, vomit inducing roller coasters, or 5 or so too many gin cocktails, yes, even I joined in the merriment.

I did so many loads of laundry and changed so many babies, it's a blur. Christmas day I slept on my mother's sofa. then Z barfed on the area rug. not on the hardwood floor, but on the 6x8 area rug. and into the coffee table drawers. She's good like that. Impeccable aim.

What about Sammy? Don't worry, he only has worms.

Please dear baby jesus, please let 2009 start off better than 2008 ended. We are running low on pepto and laundry soap.

Santa Claus is Coming...

... to your living room to scare the bejesus out of your children:

What? Santa doesn't ride around on a fire truck traumatizing children with goodies in your town?




And if Santa on a fire truck doesn't traumatize you, then maybe the same event last year will:

Oh Christmas Tree

Or should I say kitten tree? Sam has decided that the tree is his domain:

Needless to say there are no ornaments on it. and he has eaten a fair amount of garland. and fake tree needles. Don't lecture me about kitten digestive systems, I'm sure I'll get it from the vet when I take his poop sample in all sparkly next week.

C&Z adore the tree. The say hello to it every morning and then promptly look for "nammy" hiding in the branches. Lately they are into "huggies" for poor Sam. He likes this as much as he enjoys the hair dryer after a bath.

Ever blowdried a soggy kitten. massive good time. you should try it.

We also took the girls to get their pictures taken. More of a fiasco than last year, although, Z didn't barf on her own shirt this time. She did, however, try to escape our photo shoot and jump into other peoples. She was not very popular with the adults, but the other kids thought it was pretty funny. Then they realized there were two of them. C found the whole experience comical. The only time Z smiled was while she was chewing on an ornament. so sanitary.





So if I don't get a chance to post again, have a merry merry and happy happy whatever you celebrate. we celebrate everything.

And don't let your cat eat the tree. or the lights. or leaves he found on the floor. or old cheerios. or the candles in your christmas tree menorah. what? you don't have one of these?

oh dear...

74 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

SAMtastic

Sam is almost better. He can poop in the litter box. But now I fear he has a head cold. He just sneezed and knocked himself out of the food dish. Funny, but distressing. plus he has eye-snots. And I think he's itching fleas again.

How do i manage to pick 'em? But at least he's cute. Which is a good thing as he is right now sitting on my lap and screaming in my face. if he wakes up a baby he's going to be one sorry ass kitten.

the girls went to sleep tonight at 6:45 due to no afternoon nap and general bitchiness. that's going to bite me in teh ass tomorrow when they get up at 6:45 and I try not to shoot myself in the face. I'll let you know how that goes.

The Poop Chronicles

Why oh why won't sam stop pooping? He is on week 2 of antibiotics and kitty imodium and yet he still pooped all over the bathroom tonight. and to make matters worse,


{ahem, disclaimer, this may be more information that you want about me, so avert your eyes if you don't want to hear about girlie parts}

... as I was saying, have you ever tried to change a pad while avoiding stepping in liquid cat shit and keeping a crap covered kitten from scaling your leg and sitting in your underpants, exactly where aforementioned pad should be positioned? No? Really? You are missing out. It should be an olympic sport. Or at least videotaped for some bloopers show. except you'd have to blur most of the screen where my gigantic naked ass would be.

So you can tell I'm in rare form tonight. I won't even comment on the election. I am afraid to turn on the TV and see what's going on. Instead I will leave you with two pictures. One of a very brave (but stupid) man and one of the joy that is halloween....

seriously, would you let this sit on your shoulder?

This is how C&Z went trick or treating. in the living room. with the candy for the neighborhood kids. Yeah, we're real popular these days...

As if it wasn't bad enough

got a new kitten. his name is sam. he is 6 weeks old. he is a rescue. he lived in a shed. he has worms. he poops a lot. not always in his box. yesterday I cleaned up 4 separate kitten poops off carpet. I do not have a lot of carpet. sam likes to shit on carpet. or my bed. which I also had to wash. along with two t-shirts and a pair of pants. and the bathmat. three of them. sam likes to shit on carpet. sam also now has kitten hemroids. I have to put vaseline on sam's butt. good thing sam is cute.

home again home again

does anyone else feel like the fat hog? After witnessing self in vacation photos, I do believe it's time to actually diet and gasp attempt to lose extra 50lbs of baby weight. i can't even post the picture as i am too rotund and my children are drinking from bottles and i don't want to hear about it. Bottles make them sleepy and they take naps. and cookies make me happy and fat.

but here's a few shots of williamsburg, twin style.

Z's rockstar shot

Toes in the water

C and her accessories... pants optional

Wherein Z runs after a horsedrawn carriage, H pursues and C runs after yelling "NoNONONONO!"

VACATION!!!

We did it. We drove two toddlers 10+ hours to Virginia. And with only moderate help from our furry red friend and the portable DVD player. I'm not even sure I can type the name...


ELMO

without C running in the room and screaming at the TV. The ride was livable. Z took her two naps in the car with no complaint. C only took a morning nap and complained and chatted through the afternoon one. Once we stopped for dinner, I realized that she didn't sleep due to tragically wet pants. Bad mother. then she crashed after dinner for a half hour while Z watched a Baby Einstein DVD that's supposed to be sleep inducing. However, it has sheep. Sheep are apparently zombified monsters that scream BAAAAAAAAAA! Which is how Z imitates them. everytime one appears on screen. or in a book. or a stuffed animal. or the thought of a sheep.

We finally arrived at the timeshare resort around 10pm. They were watching E... for the 3rd time in a row and sucking thumbs madly, but not sleeping. I sent H in to register/get the key. He returned and told me I was lucky he went in. here's what followed:

J: why? stupid and southern?
H: handing me confirmation page I had written directions on the back of
J: why? what?
H: pointing to date on sheet which reads October 5, 2008
J: huh?
H: pointing to date on watch which reads 04
J: oh shit.

Yes, we arrived a day early for our reservation. Which was entirely my fault as I apparently can't read. and I drove everyone crazy friday night and saturday morning trying to get out the door. Luckily, southern hospitality (and the twin card) worked in our favor and they gave us a unit that had been vacated and cleaned earlier that day.

Do you think I have a few too many things on my mind? I am ever so slowly devolving into my poor mother who is on her umpteenth wallet and eleventybillionth set of keys.

happy belated birthday

H's birthday started off with a bang. or a barf. The girls had shots the day before and chose 12:30 to barf their brains out in the cribs. They had low grade fevers and chills and spent the rest of the night in bed with us.

Here's how H's bday ended:A little better. But C still looks ill. Z looks like a pyromaniac. Which she would get from her Daddy.

life goes on

sorry for the lack of posting. but life. you know, it keeps going. there are diapers to change, food to throw on the floor, laundry to fold (or unfold)

we still miss petey, but the girls have mostly stopped looking for him. I however, can't do the dishes without seeing his sad little grave. so I bought a plant today to put out there. at least it's not so sad.

the other day a squirrel was literally dancing on him. I'm sure petey rolled over. at least once.

on the baby front, chloe now has 3 1/2 teeth and zoe has just one snaggle tooth. They are both being obsessed with Elmo right now. I couldn't listen to them begging anymore. I believe H is in there with them now, but he's most likley asleep.

Speaking of sleep, there was no afternoon nap today and now that I look at the time I should probably be making them some dinner as they are going to be tired early.

I'll try to post more regularly in the future. I know that you all need your nutty twin fix :)

Petey Parker Spider Cat

We all love Petey. And we will all miss Petey. He passed away yesterday and we buried him outside in the backyard, where he was always trying to get out to anyway.

He lived 31 twistie tie bopping, hair band stealing, broom chasing, toe pouncing, litter box destroying, basement exploring, eyebrow licking, baby guarding, tub drain drinking, best friend cuddling months. It wasn't enough time.

There will never be another kitten head like you, Petey Von Skippy Pants, the world's most helpful kitten. I miss you so much I think part of me died with you.



A Tribute to the Kittenest Cat:
Petey Catches A Mouse
Petey Sleeps with the Fishes
Petey Rules
Dangerous and Debonair
Blogging cat
Petey Fishes for Poop
Petey V. Body Pillow
At least he listens
Olympic Petey
Offer: One Spider Cat
Gourmet Kitten
Petey Sports a Mohawk
Toe Licking is Fun
What's Petey up to lately?

bad bad blogger

not much time to post these days. girls are up and running. everywhere. and I am exhausted. but I am at work now so it's nice and relaxing and therefore...



... I have nothing to say. Let's see, some recent developments:



the upstairs nursery is done and painted and decorated and has two little girls sleeping and napping in it. They LOOOOVE it! It has mad fun animals and toys they've never seen before and a piggy bank that they can point at and say "piggy" one million times. never gets old.

yesterday I let them crawl up the stairs for both naps. also mad fun. but led to Z getting carried half the way since C was zooming and Z liked to hand me every dust ball and cat hair on the steps. Which led to me sweeping steps. bad bad housekeeper as well. Starting yesterday and this morning, I let them walk out of their bedroom and onto the landing where I plopped them on my lap on the top step and bumped our way down. I am hoping this shows them how they should go down the steps and does not lead to a cave in due to the strain of my gargantuan ass galomphing on aged stairs. Let's pray we all don't wind up in the basement. Although Petey will find that amusing. If he can manage to stay awake long enough to care.

Petey has taken up residence on the foot of my bed. on my side. and by residence I mean he only leaves this spot to sniff disdainfully at his food dish and raise an unholy racket in his litter box. next to the babies' room. while they are sleeping. awesome. His new home also means that there is no place for my feet to reside whilst I try to sleep.

At least they are sleeping better and I started reading a book that has been sitting on the shelf for almost 2 years. It's a nerdy genetic book, but I think it's awesome and I'm sure it makes H cringe. He better cringe softly and out of range since it's a hefty volume and would most likely make a dent in his already lumpy head.

Today I stopped at bedbathandabsurd to return something and buy a veggi grill pan (the one with holes in it. how have I existed for so long without you?) and a helpful employee had to go in the back to find one. As grilling is done for the year and next week they will be rolling out snow shovels. I shit you not.

Enjoy your long weekend of BBQs and fall allergies. I myself, have a $4 coupon for zyrtec. yippie.

walking

C is toddling all around these days and today, Z managed a few steps on her own. Her motivation? To show C the toy she had and not let her have it. Which led to screaming.

awesome.

it is kind of cool that they can get around on their own a little better. Today I don't think I carried anyone anywhere. I let them crawl to their highchairs for meals and crawl to the bedroom for a diaper change. Mostly this was possible as H was working from home today.

I think I'd have better luck herding cats.

Just for fun, can you guess who's who? here they are "reading"

snippets

so I am not cool enough to understand twitter nonsense, but here's an excerpt from an email I just wrote crazy Diana, which I have a funny feeling did not send.... anyway

"also H says that I am dramatic and pathetic when sleep deprived and that is favorite is when I lose it in the middle of the night and swear at them for waking me up. Then I threaten to throw them in the garbage. Ok, I threaten Chloe since she's the trouble maker. last night she got into bed with us (not on her own, although H claims ignorance to her crib escape) and kicked H in the face. so I told her it was time to go back in her crib. which she did. but not on her own."

the sleep situation is getting better. Z is pretty much sleeping through the night and C is only up once for a cuddle and to sneak into the big bed. The trick for us was a bottle of milk (regular buy-in-the-store-for-$6-a-gallon-organic-whole-milk) before bed. This led to night weaning which led to full out weaning. Which is awesome for me. I didn't realize how ready we all must have been to stop the breast feeding. They didn't really want to nurse during the day anymore and I was tired of listening to someone cry while they waited their turn. so whole milk it is. and more sleeping.

This weekend, H and I will be painting the nursery (what? people prepare their babies' room BEFORE they are born? What lunacy!) so that they can move upstairs and we might not have to wake up to short people staring at us and yelling "HI!!!" at top volume until you open one eye a tiny slit. Then they cry. because you aren't already holding them. both. at the same time. but not their sister. and can we pet the cat? and poke him in the eye? what about your eye? can we poke that? did you know z has a belly button? Do you have a belly button? can I find it? oh, and did you see petey? he's a cat? oh, and HI!!!