Thursday, November 18, 2010

Headed to the Farm

or at least the market.  This morning is the last week that the farmers market will be outdoor.  I have to go today to find out the new secret winter location.  it's very cloak and dagger vegetable buying.  I should wear a trenchcoat and a silly hat.

I am also on the hunt for a heritage turkey.  Why is this so hard to find in the middle of farm country here?  And the cost.  Oh lord, $10/lb is a lot for a bird.  Considering Shoprite is giving the bastards away.  I ordered one last year and had it delivered to the grocery store, but I had to schlepp across the river.  And now I can't remember what farm I got it from.  Ugh.

It may have just dawned on me that Thanksgiving is a week from today.  I got off easy this year with only pies and sweet potatoes to make.  and a turkey to procure.  Which is going so well.

maybe I can get a lead at the farmer's market.  wonder if my detective disguise will be helpful in that arena. I'm not sure they remember who I am since I am sans children on Thursday mornings now.  Not that I'm complaining.

Now I have to go and wake them up.  Well, wake Z up.  C has been trying to do the same thing for the past 20 min and it doesn't sound too successful.  I so love the moaning and protesting that comes from sleepy 3 yo.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Awesome evening... and then the screaming

Here's an evening that exemplifies the age of 3.  and the problems of having two children who are the same age.

Yesterday after naptime (which is our typically worst time of day... they are still tired and want nothing more than to lump on the sofa and gorge themselves on Spectacular Spiderman on Netflix) I took the playdough out and got them started making people and animals and food out of playdough.

Then I started dinner while they played in the kitchen.  Z helped me make 'sushi' rolls with white rice and julienned vegis.  C continued to play with the dough and allowed Z to make her a roll.  Then we sat at the table and ate sushi and drank tea out of the fancy china teacups and had an awesome dinner.

After dinner, while I did the dishes, the girls played an insane game where they took turns being a snake on the floor and their sister's job was to sit on their back and keep them from slithering.  Whatever, no one got hurt and they laughed hysterically.  And I got to clean up the kitchen.

Finally I set up the record player and had them listen to a recorded read-a-long book (yes they were mine and no, I never throw anything out) while they had a glass of milk and a cookie for desert.  And that's where the utopia ended.

C is OBSESSED with the change she keeps in her little change purse.  I tell her 50-teen (her words) times a day to put the money back in her purse.  That it is not a toy and she can't play with money all around the house.  I'm trying to impress upon her that it has some sort of value.  and she understands that she can use the money to buy something at the store.  But she just. doesn't. listen. at. all.  She's one of those kids who just humors you and lives in her own little world where she is queen and you are an annoying noise to be tolerated temporarily until you give in and go away.  And I am the biggest culprit of this.  I am the High Holy Mother of Empty Threats.  I came back into the room after filling up the bathtub and she had change all over the couch and floor.  So I took it and put it someplace she couldn't reach it.  I explained she could have it back tomorrow, but that she didn't listen to what I had already asked her many many times to do.

And she screamed for over an hour.  Solid.  through bathtime (she wouldn't get in the tub and I had to wrestle her on the bathroom floor to wash her up) through putting pjs on.  Through book reading. And into singing with the lights off. 

Z on the other hand, listened to the end of her record, turned the player off. came up the stairs with her blankie, got in the tub, washed her hair, brushed her teeth, peed on the potty, put on her pjs and sat in bed listening to stories and songs.  The only time she got upset was when C tried to climb over the baby gate at the top of the stairs and Z was afraid (as was I) that she would topple over it and fall down the stairs head first.

So in an effort to be fair to Z, I basically had to ignore C's freakout.  Which is not the best way to handle it for her.  C isn't the kind of kid who will wind down on her own.  She needs to be physically restrained and almost shaken out of it.  Like in the old movies where you slap the woman out of her hysterics.  But the choices are ignore it and let it escalate and continue for longer than it needs to go on, or ignore the kid who's being good and basically punish her for her sister's freakout.

Aren't these awesome choices?  Last night I picked Z.  Most of the time I don't.  She was owed a night.  And up until around 6:45 we had an awesome day.  In retrospect, it's probably the chocolate milk and cookie that's setting C off at night.  I'll have to ponder a way around that part of the evening routine...

Friday, November 05, 2010

Friday art

squirrel (complete with snack) By: Z
"Sammy (with eyelashes)" by:C

Linen/Cat closet

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Why I love my husband

I woke up at 4 this morning full of vitriol. I was angry. I was hurt. There was a cat wedged in between my feet (well, that part just added to the waking up) and I wrote a letter. A long letter. A long over due letter to my father. And I wanted to post it on facebook.

Instead I decided to use a forum where I usually complain about my kids to talk about H. In bullet form because I only have 7 minutes before I have to wake up the screamies for school.

Here are all the reason why I love Howie:

1. He makes me coffee every morning before he leaves
2. He doesn't wake me up, just brews the coffee and lets me sleep.
3. He doesn't even drink coffee in the morning
4. I can leave him home all day with the kids and he can manage to feed them, entertain them and work
5. Even if the house looks like a tornado ripped through it when I get home, by the time I get up in the morning, it's spotless
6. He puts whatever soggy mess he finds in the washing machine into the dryer. Even if I don't tell him there's clothes down there
7. He taught the girls how to play jenga, bowling on the Wii, and a somewhat disproportionate love of comic books
8. He will watch whatever bizarre disturbing grisly murder show I put on the television and not complain.
9. He's put up with me. all of me. for 10 years.
10. He keeps me from being exorbitantly stupid.

So instead of plastering the internet with my two page, 9pt font, single spaced missive of hatred, i leave you instead with this man. Who carried a plastic pumpkin trick-or-treating because the girls didn't want him to be left out.

Monday, October 04, 2010

MOTY Award time, yet again

the best time of day is that small window of naptime before the annoying kids next door get home from school. thankfully today it's raining and so the ear piercing screams of Florence (yes, Florence. the BOY who lives next door) will not end naptime prematurely or cause me to slam out the front door and ask him who exactly is murdering him. even though I secretly wish someone would.

oh, that's not even the worst thing I've said (or even thought) this weekend. The highlight film includes such gems as telling Z that I couldn't care less if she ate lunch or starved to death and yesterday's epic fail of me informing C that she is systematically ruining my life. starting in utero.

So, if anyone would like to pass on their mother of the year award statue, I'll be waiting patiently.

Friday, October 01, 2010

No Rest for the Weary: Why I don't have 3 children

too tired for sentences. here are fragments and bullets:

H threw back out last weekend re-doing master bathroom

bathroom has many many holes in the wall

also when you turn the tub on the shower head sprays you in the face. always

the overflow from this tub may or may not drip into my basement. at some point. much like the ticking time bomb of a toilet we had upstairs, however, this time I am not expecting poop to flood my dining room. so, small improvement there.

when you do shower, the hot water runs out in under 10min.

both my girls have head colds and copious snot and coughing

i sent them to school anyway. i'm that bitch

H has been in bed since monday. he only arises to whip children into a frenzy with spiderman game for the Wii. which C rocks at. don't worry, it's only rated T. Z does NOT like the fire

Sam the furry fucknut decided the best way to get my attention at 5am is wake Z up by banging on their bedroom door.

She then noticed she had peed her diaper. like she's done everynight for the past 3 and 1/2 years

This required a trip to the potty so she could swing her feet and have Sam apologize for waking her by biting my leg

and then a new diaper

without waking C

10min after i got back in my own bed, Sam the bastardly began to cry at the basement door
apparently he is incapable of using the kitty door before sunrise and also had to pee on the potty

after falling back asleep I had charming nightmare of losing my children in an amusement park because I had too many bags to gather when exiting the tram

coffee pot went off. followed by alarm. which H turned off. not snooze. just off.

if he doesn't go to work on monday i will be seeking legal representation.

now i must go and finish my chores and daily to do list so that I can wake the children, dress them, feed them, leave a note for the sitter... who is still coming even though H is here and wait for the conversation with my mother about what is wrong with my life when she shows up here at 3 to relieve the sitter and finds H in a cocoon of apple hardware ensconced in the bedroom.

all of this makes me ponder why i didn't just have them remove my uterus. instead of my brain.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Home Alone

I sent the girls to grandma's for the weekend so H and I could finish the reno on the downstairs bathroom and also so I could help and sell at the twin club tag sale.

so now I am home alone on a friday night in my pjs at 8:30. Did I mention I was alone? H is not home yet and won't be for another hour or so and I have not a soul to go out with as all my friends these days are similarly ensconced in pjs while their kids are asleep. Which makes me think....

what the hell did I do with all my free time before I had kids? I mean I had oodles of time to do absolutely nothing. and I didn't have to sit around my house tiptoeing while little people slept. i could watch TV loudly and drink.

Which is mostly what I am doing now. the drinking. but it's sad to drink alone in your pjs on a friday night. at 8:30. totally silent except for the laptop keys clicking. They might as well be home.

sigh. what has become of me?