Monday, October 04, 2010

MOTY Award time, yet again

the best time of day is that small window of naptime before the annoying kids next door get home from school. thankfully today it's raining and so the ear piercing screams of Florence (yes, Florence. the BOY who lives next door) will not end naptime prematurely or cause me to slam out the front door and ask him who exactly is murdering him. even though I secretly wish someone would.

oh, that's not even the worst thing I've said (or even thought) this weekend. The highlight film includes such gems as telling Z that I couldn't care less if she ate lunch or starved to death and yesterday's epic fail of me informing C that she is systematically ruining my life. starting in utero.

So, if anyone would like to pass on their mother of the year award statue, I'll be waiting patiently.

Friday, October 01, 2010

No Rest for the Weary: Why I don't have 3 children

too tired for sentences. here are fragments and bullets:

H threw back out last weekend re-doing master bathroom

bathroom has many many holes in the wall

also when you turn the tub on the shower head sprays you in the face. always

the overflow from this tub may or may not drip into my basement. at some point. much like the ticking time bomb of a toilet we had upstairs, however, this time I am not expecting poop to flood my dining room. so, small improvement there.

when you do shower, the hot water runs out in under 10min.

both my girls have head colds and copious snot and coughing

i sent them to school anyway. i'm that bitch

H has been in bed since monday. he only arises to whip children into a frenzy with spiderman game for the Wii. which C rocks at. don't worry, it's only rated T. Z does NOT like the fire

Sam the furry fucknut decided the best way to get my attention at 5am is wake Z up by banging on their bedroom door.

She then noticed she had peed her diaper. like she's done everynight for the past 3 and 1/2 years

This required a trip to the potty so she could swing her feet and have Sam apologize for waking her by biting my leg

and then a new diaper

without waking C

10min after i got back in my own bed, Sam the bastardly began to cry at the basement door
apparently he is incapable of using the kitty door before sunrise and also had to pee on the potty

after falling back asleep I had charming nightmare of losing my children in an amusement park because I had too many bags to gather when exiting the tram

coffee pot went off. followed by alarm. which H turned off. not snooze. just off.

if he doesn't go to work on monday i will be seeking legal representation.

now i must go and finish my chores and daily to do list so that I can wake the children, dress them, feed them, leave a note for the sitter... who is still coming even though H is here and wait for the conversation with my mother about what is wrong with my life when she shows up here at 3 to relieve the sitter and finds H in a cocoon of apple hardware ensconced in the bedroom.

all of this makes me ponder why i didn't just have them remove my uterus. instead of my brain.