Giving Thanks

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the girls’ birth. Mostly this has been coming up since I’m now working at the hospital where they were born. Mostly because of the hand soap.

When you go to the NICU, you get an education on hand washing. They are very strict about it. And the smell and feel of that soap is something I will never forget. Now that I am working here, every time I go to the bathroom, I have a NICU flashback.

I am incredibly grateful. That is the understatement of the year. There are no words to express how I feel about the fact that my two tiny little peanuts who didn’t even tip the scale at 5 lbs, now eat cereal and fruit like it’s going out of style and have learned to turn the mobile on and off in their crib.

They are scooting themselves around on their backs and almost rolling over and sitting up (sounds like puppies, right?) and in those first few days they couldn’t even eat. C sometimes forgot to breathe.

One night while they were still in the NICU, a night or two after I had been discharged, I woke up panicked and made H call to check on them. C had stopped breathing for a few minutes, but ‘don’t worry,’ they said. ‘She only needed a little mild stim and she came right back’. Which part was scarier, that she had stopped breathing or that if she had been home, I wouldn’t have known what to do? How did I know she needed me?

I chose my OB/GYN based on proximity to my house and where they delivered. Before I was even pregnant or planning it. I did my research; I knew the NICU reputation, before I knew I was having twins. I stopped working at 24 weeks and went on restricted activity not much after that. I stuffed myself to make sure they could gain enough weight (ok, that part was fun). I did everything right. They still came 6 weeks early. 3 weeks before I had anticipated them (being they were multiples and likely to be born early). They even switched their birth order. They had their own agenda.

I am not going to obsess about food intake or milestones or even poop anymore. I’m retiring the log books. I am just going to be happy and grateful that I have two beautiful, healthy, (if you don’t mind some snots now and then), happy and funny baby girls. Last night I literally got down on my knees to thank god that they are here and they are who they are.

And I’m buying scented hand lotion to keep in my desk drawer so I can stop tearing up every time I wash my damn hands.