This morning I got up and decided to haul my sorry self upstairs to do some yoga. I took this prenatal yoga book out of the library in December and have so far used it 0 times and incurred $5 worth of overdue late fees when I forget to renew it. Anyway, so I got the yoga mat and a chair as recommended by the book and I plopped myself on the floor to get going.
I've always considered myself to be relatively strong and in decent shape. I don't exercise regularly, butI can still move my living room couch by myself. Actually, I might border on the freakishly strong. (sorry if my brother is reading this, he is laughing himself silly as he IS freakishly strong. it's genetic. my father once lifted a school bus. long story. but very true)
I've also been practicing yoga for probably about 7 or 8 years now pretty regularly. I like it. It has the fluidity of dance without the tights and crazy old french ladies who make you call them "Miss". Can anyone tell I took ballet class from age 4? Sometimes I'll be standing in my kitchen waiting for something to boil and realize I'm using the kitchen island as a barre and running through releve.
I'm reading through this book and thinking, "Gad! these are way too easy, how is this going to help me in anyway". Then I started to run the sequence. I can't do anything. I can't align anything properly and I can't hold the poses. My arms are weak and my posture is horrible. I actually started crying.
Two things can happen here. I can give up entirely and embrace my new being of gelatinous goo or I can try to do a little more everyday to regain some of my strength. I actually told my mother once that I didn't think she should be on a diet because moms were supposed to be fluffy. The fact that this woman hasn't murdered me is amazing, but does explain some of the tics. I have to somehow bridge the disconnect between who I am and what I think "mother" is supposed to be.
This is a long winded way of saying that I'm just not sure that I'm fit to be in charge of someone else's life. Let alone two lives. I can't even feed myself. Which brings on another rant...
WHAT C AN HAPPEN WHEN YOU KNOW TOO MUCH:
So I'm at 20 weeks which I happen to know is a big brain/nervous system developemental period. This is why synapses start firing. So, I should be eating all sorts of brain food. Fish and almonds and omega-3 cookies (oh, hmmm, maybe not so much of those) I am thinking of fighting Petey for his fish oil capsules. Am I eating these things? No. Of course not. The idea of consuming fish actually makes me puke a little in my mouth. and I LIKE fish. and it's lent. It's so easy to get. But the smell, the mere thought, is too much.
What am I eating? Here's yesterday's food tally:
Breakfast: (10:30am) 2 large bowls of frosted mini wheats
Lunch: (2:30pm) greek yogurt with fruit. but it was only a cup of yogurt.
Dinner: (5:30pm) Grilled cheese sandwhich and two spoonfulls of bean soup. Couldn't force the bean soup down so I ate ritz crackers with peanut butter instead. yum nutritious.
(10pm) H came home late so I made kung pao chicken and a salad in an attempt to eat again. I managed to force down 2 slices of avocado and a little lettuce from the salad but the smell of the chicken was a no-go.
Water consumption: 5 glasses.
Seriously? this is not enough food. but I'm just not hungry again and nothing appeals to me. I certainly wasn't going to grill myself a tilapia fillet and sprinkle it with almonds. I actually had a conversation with my own belly where I informed the twinlets that they were not going to be allowed to eat like this once they were outside. Then someone kicked me in the ribs.
And so, the title of this post is exactly what my poor children are destined to be if I don't do something to redeem this entire pregnancy and possibly my life.
6 comments:
Hi! Found you via the Twinkies.
Have you consdered Flax Oil capsules? No fishy burps, and still good on the omegas.
Hi, I'm a new reader and also pregnant with twins :) I just wanted to see if you knew about Expecta...it's an omega 3 and DHA supplement for pregnant and nursing moms. I take it along with my regular prenatal vitamins. And boy I'll tell ya I'm having the same problem with eating. I'm starving but nothing sounds good and even the things that seem remotely appetizing become a different story when they're sitting in front of me. Very frustrating!
Congratulations! I found your blog through twinkies. I was eating tons of chocolate shakes while pregnant and wasn't so great with those green leafy veggies, and so far the twins seem to be surviving. Hope you start to feel better soon.
About the exercise thing, don't feel too bad. I bought a Denise Austin Prenatal Exercise DVD at Target two weeks ago and watched the whole "introduction" to make sure I wouldn't do anything wrong and hurt the baby. Then I started with a 20 minute toning segment. I was bored out of my mind. I literally stopped in the middle to call a friend to laugh at how boring and useless the DVD was, but I finished the section.
Let's just say I woke up the next morning, and I WAS USELESS. Everything ached. I felt like a failure. Did I really lose all the benefits of 30+ years of exercise in just three months?
I haven't done the DVD since. Now it scares me. I did however start swimming again, and when I feel like I'm almost as in shape as I used to be, I'm gonna try the prenatal yoga DVDs that are coming in the mail this week. Hang in there, you're more than half-way done!
Me again...
Your blog prompted me to check on the status of my amazon order for those yoga DVDs. They are LOST in shipment. They are reordering them for me. The warehouse is in Jersey City! How difficult is it to get three DVDs 20 miles? I guess it'll be a while before I start using them!
;)
I've been taking the prenatal vitamins with the omega 3 and DHA in them and they are not too hideous. Petey has convinced me that fish oil pills from the vet are not the way to go. :) Mostly I'm just hideously thirsty...
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